I Dream Of Kites And Carousels
by myriassterre
Summary: BA. Buffy dreams of the perfect life every night, a life she can never have, it has destroyed her life and when the dreams suddenly stop will Buffy be able to move on with her life? Or will something get in her way?
1. Chapter 1

I Dream Of Kites And Carousels  
By Maddy

**Summary:** Buffy dreams of the perfect life every night, a life she can never have, it's slowly driving her insane  
**Rating:** PG13, maybe more. It gets a bit dark.  
**Spoilers: **NFA, general Angel season 5 and Buffy season 7. And as nearly always, general B/A history.  
**Timeline:** Seven and a half months after 'Not Fade Away'  
**Disclaimer: **I do not own anything from Buffy/Angelverse. Joss does and if I can deal with that, so can you  
**Distribution:** If you want it, just ask. If you already have any of my other fic, just take it  
**Dedication:** To Rebecca, who got to read it first  
**Feedback:** I'm a feedback junkie, give it to me. Good and/or bad. Criticism welcome.  
**Author's Notes:** This is the first of two parts. Title comes from a quote; I don't remember what quote or who said it, or where I found it. Enjoy!

* * *

**PART ONE: Wednesday 12th January 2005**

Every night she has the same dream. Every night for the past six and a half months. Every night. It was slowly driving her insane, but she was proud to say she wasn't crazy yet. Luckily, she didn't need much sleep, she only got a few hours each night; one of the perks of being a slayer…and those she could count on one hand.

It was just another morning for Buffy Summers, but unlike most people, her mornings started whenever she woke up from the dream. At the beginning she would try to go back to sleep, but after a week she gave up trying all together. Buffy moved out of her home with Dawn within three months. It was getting difficult for Buffy to hide the fact that she wasn't getting much sleep. Sure, she didn't _need_ the sleep, but without at least three layers of makeup; Buffy looked dead.

Dawn visited her sister every week, on a Wednesday. The youngest Summers loved Buffy's villa apartment over looking the bay of Naples, but Dawn also loved the independence that came from living with her best friend Josie. Buffy never went over there; she didn't go to anyone's house anymore. She only left here's when she needed to shop, or when Dawn managed to convince her. Buffy stopped patrolling three months ago, two weeks after moving out.

So, another morning. This one began at 3:18am, it didn't bother her. What bothered her was the fact that it didn't bother her, it did at first of course.

Buffy rolled out of bed and turned on the nearby lamp. It instantly burned her eyes; she blinked several times before her eyes adjusted. After turning on the main light in her bedroom, Buffy turned off the small – but very bright – lamp She should do something about that; get a bulb with lower watts or something. Next time she goes shopping she planned to talk to someone about the brightness of her lamp.

Buffy wouldn't eat for hours, her stomach couldn't handle having food this early, even after all this time. Six and a half months of perfect dreams. Yes, they were perfect. Content and happy, only splintered by the occasional serious moment. Her real life was full of serious moments; sometimes she wished a demon would attack her, just to break to monotony. Buffy hadn't seen a demon since she stopped patrolling. Three months ago.

Instead of having breakfast like normal people would have done, Buffy changed into a tank top and sweatpants and began to train. Some part of her knew there was no point to training if she didn't patrol and fight the forces of darkness anymore. But training hadn't lost its cathartic therapy effect, unlike patrolling. It had simply lost all the fun there was to be had – if there was any in the first place – Buffy no longer got that sense of satisfaction, that she was doing the right thing, by protecting people from things that went bump in the night. She was no longer making a difference. There were three fully capable Slayers in Rome to protect the largely populated city. That's more than the entire world had three years ago.

Buffy lost a lot that morning in May of 2003. Spike, Anya and too many ex-Potential Slayers. She also lost her identity, her reason for being in this hellish Earth. Buffy loved the idea of being an actual person and not the Slayer, but in truth…Buffy didn't know how to be anything but the Slayer.

Then the dreams started.

Today was the day of Dawn's weekly visit. After training in the second bedroom that had been converted into a fully fitted training room, Buffy took a long shower then began tidying up the apartment. It was never overly messy; it was only her living there. But she liked to have it clean for Dawn, her sister was worried about her a lot, Buffy didn't blame her.

Dawn would get there around 9:30am and wouldn't go home until after dinner. Buffy had hours to clean up the little mess that was in her home. She owned a lot of stuff, ever since Sunnydale got sucked into the Hellmouth; Buffy has been very reluctant to get rid of her belongings. Her apartment was fully furnished and a bit on the cluttered side, but she loved it that way.

At 9:28am Dawn Summers knocked on the front door. Buffy quickly answered it; they hugged as Dawn crossed the threshold.

"How are you, Buffy?"

Buffy shrugged, as they pulled apart. "The same."

Dawn's mood darkened considerably, she put her carry bag on one of the hooks by the door. "Are you still having the dream?"

"Yeah. Still. The same one."

"So, what do you want to do today?" Dawn smiled, trying to lighten the mood and change the subject.

"I just want to stay in."

"When was the last time you shopped?"

"Yesterday, the fridge and cupboards-"

"Oh, no. Not for food" Dawn gave a dismissive wave of her hand. "For clothes, for things you don't really want but buy anyway."

"Two visits ago."

"Great. We can-"

"No!" Buffy yelled louder than she intended. Dawn flinched, but quickly recovered.

"Buffy…you need to get over this."

"I want to." Buffy's eyes glistened with unshed tears. "Of course I want it. But I can't. I keep dreaming of something I can never have, not just with-" She couldn't bring herself to say his name. "Not with anyone. You live with that for seven and a half months, then we can compare notes."

"I'm sorry, I didn't-"

"No, it's okay. I don't feel like going out. Can we stay in?"

"Sure." Dawn reached for Buffy's hand and grasped it tightly. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

"What do you want to do?"

"I'm-I'm not sure. I didn't really have anything in mind."

Dawn nodded, taking that in. Buffy had her requisite three layers of make-up on, Dawn could tell she wasn't getting enough sleep. The make-up hid much of the lines and the dark circles beneath her sister's eyes, but no amount of anything could cover up or erase the haunted look in Buffy's eyes.

"I don't think you have any fun stuff here, mostly you just horde things."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "I don't horde. I collect."

"Crap. You collect crap. Now, what do you want to do?"

"Nothing Dawn." She sighed at Dawn's abashed expression. "Something, I guess. But inside, you know."

"Yeah. But there's not much to do."

"How about a vid fest?" Suggested Buffy, knowing Dawn's weakness for movie-thons. Buffy couldn't think of anything better than sitting curled up with a blanket and a bowl of popcorn. Luckily, neither could Dawn.

"Sure, what theme? Trashy teen movies? Horror, action or comedy?"

"Not horror or comedy. Or romance." She added after a beat. Dawn nodded sympathetically. "Action is good."

"Okay, you get the food, I'll raid your movie collection."

"Right." Buffy gave a mock salute.

Dawn was momentarily relieved that Buffy had attempted some kind of humour. But Dawn knew Buffy's mood could change on a whim. She deliberately avoided certain topics, and tried to keep her sister's mood as happy as the circumstances would allow. Which wasn't very happy.

Dawn watched Buffy walk into the kitchen. She didn't know what Buffy dreamt every night; surprisingly the blonde never disclosed the details. All Dawn knew that it was about Angel and the dreams were exactly that, they were dreams – they weren't nightmares. Buffy was dreaming of something happy, it was something happy with Angel.

Dawn couldn't begin to grasp what this was doing to her sister. Aside from the obvious reclusive lifestyle and the lack of sleep, Buffy remained similar to how she was before the dreams started. Just more pale, with bags under her eyes large enough to carry the luggage for the Italian football team, and didn't laugh or smile as much. Or laugh or spend time with her friends…okay, a lot has changed, but she was still Buffy. At least Dawn was trying to convince herself of that everyday.

Buffy and Dawn watched a total of four movies, they ate morning tea, lunch, afternoon tea and dinner. All conversation was kept light and void of anything related to Angel, or Buffy's dreams. When the dreams first started, Dawn, along with Willow, Xander and Giles constantly tried to coax Buffy to talk about it. She never opened up to any of them and hasn't since. Dawn was the only one she still saw, and even then their conversations were never revealing. Dawn would do most of the talking and Buffy would add her input occasionally.

At 7:30, Dawn left. Buffy walked her little sister to the door and after a quick hug Dawn said that next week she would take Buffy shopping whether she liked it or not, as it was Buffy's birthday in a week and two days.

"We'll see." Buffy replied, giving Dawn a smile, a smile saying: 'I'll be okay, don't worry.' But Dawn did worry, as did the others. Dawn, Willow, Xander and Giles lived in constant fear that one day the would receive a phone call or get a knock on the door, and a person would tell them that Buffy Summers was dead.

As Buffy went to bed later that night, she knew that within five to six hours she would be awake, startled by the abrupt end to her dream. The dream always ended the same, at the same instant. When the dreams first began, Buffy wanted to know why she was having them; on the third day Spike arrived in Rome.

According to the blonde vampire, the battle had been brutal, the enemy unforgiving, and of seemingly endless amount, but somehow they – Angel, Gunn, Illyria and himself – had managed to defeat the forces of the Black Thorn, a group of mega bad guys. Gunn didn't survive, Illyria did, as she was a demon or something, and had disappeared off the face of the planet. Spike survived and made his way to Rome by hiding on long distance flights.

He wanted to be the one to tell Buffy that Angel had died, fighting the good fight, fighting to his very last moment. Dying a hero. Buffy didn't care if he had died a hero or not, he was dead. Dust and ash. Angel had been a hero, a champion…but he was dead and she wasn't, and neither was Spike.

She hated Spike for surviving what Angel had not. She beat him to a very bloody pulp before screaming at him: 'I wish it were you that were dust! I wish you were dust and he was still here!'

They hadn't seen or spoken to each other since. Buffy never asked Dawn how he was or what he was doing. She didn't care, she didn't want to know.

The dreams started the night Angel died and they haven't stopped since. Seven and a half months of dreaming of a perfect future; a perfect future she was never going to have.

He was dead and she wasn't. Buffy closed her eyes and slept, waiting for the dream to begin.

* * *

_"Hello, beautiful," said Angel as he greeted his wife. Angel was feeding their eleven-month-old daughter. "Isn't she beautiful? Isn't your mommy beautiful?"_

_Katherine Joycelyn Tara Summers laughed and pointed to the spoon in her father's hand. "Beautiful!" she cried, but it sounded more like 'boo-a-full.'_

_Buffy smiled at the 'boo-a-full' scene playing out in front of her. Her eldest child, three-year-old Liam Alexander Doyle Summers was proudly feeding himself and he would remind all those in the room by shouting 'see' after he swallowed each mouth full._

_"Did you have a good sleep?" asked Angel, taking another spoonful and putting it near Kathy's mouth so she could reach out and take it herself._

_"Yep. As always."_

_"See!" cried Liam._

_"Not as always." Reminded Angel. Buffy knew he was right._

_She didn't say anything else. It would have been a stupid move to try and argue that she always got a good night's sleep. Because she didn't, her dreams would sometimes plague her. Apocalyptic nightmares, mostly, and sometimes she had normal Buffy dreams. They weren't as much fun as she would like them to be. "So what are you doing today?"_

_Buffy laughed, Angel very well knew the answer. "Absolutely nothing." She continued to smile as her gaze fell on her growing stomach. Baby number three. She moved her hand gracefully and lovingly across her bulging belly. Seven and a half months along._

_"Here, sit down." Angel pushed out the chair next to him; Buffy slowly sank herself into it, her body instantly glad to no longer be standing. This pregnancy had been the hardest so far._

_"See!" cried Liam._

_Buffy continued to watch her family have breakfast. She never ate with them. Angel would go to work in half an hour and he would take Liam and Kathy to day care. They enrolled Kathy in Cabbage Patch with Liam under doctor's orders. Buffy needed to have quiet and stress-free days._

_Buffy preferred to watch the perfect moment rather than join it, put her full and total attention on her family and soak up every instant and try to imprint it in her memory. Throughout her life, Buffy had learnt one very special lesson: to hold on with both hands the good things in her life._

_"See!" cried Liam._

_And this Slayer was holding on tightly._

_"Have you eaten yet?" asked Buffy to Angel._

_"No, I'll finish with little Miss first. Are you sure you don't want to join us?"_

_Buffy smiled and shook her head. "I'm sure. I get more out of watching."_

_"Has anyone ever told you how strange you are?" chuckled Angel, scooping another spoonful of food for Kathy eat. To Buffy, Angel was a natural at being a parent, so loving and caring. H treated their children like precious treasures, they were. Liam and Kathy were miracles._

_"A few people might have mentioned something."_

_"See!" Cried Liam._

_Buffy brushed her fingertips along her son's arm. "We see, honey. Are you finished? Are you done?"_

_The little boy with dark brown hair and green eyes looked down at his plate then back at his mother. "Yep. Done." He wasn't, but Buffy stood up and pulled him free from his high chair._

_"Let's get you dressed then."_

_"Buffy, I'll do that. You go lie down."_

_Buffy's heart swelled with love at the concern in his voice and on his face. She truly loved that man._

_"I'm still a Slayer, Angel. I can dress Liam. I know you worry." Buffy shifted Liam so he was sitting above her hip, which is harder than it sounds due to her pregnancy. "But don't. I'll be fine." she smiled at her son and tickled the base of his foot. "I'll be fine." Liam laughed and kicked his feet away from his mother's hands._

_Angel put the spoon down, left the chair and walked over to Buffy. "I'll always worry about you." He softly kissed her forehead. "I love you."_

_"I love you. But-"_

_"Don't worry." He finished._

_"Yeah. I'm tough."_

_"You're also a human being, they're not invincible."_

_Buffy laughed at the irony. "Says the one who used to be immortal and now has no superpowers."_

_"Hey, are you trying to bruise my ego?"_

_"I couldn't do anything bad to your ego." Buffy said, giving her husband a mischievous grin. "I'm gonna change Liam, you finish feeding Kat... Oh."_

_'"Oh.' Oh, what?"_

_Buffy pointed past Angel at the little girl, Angel turned in time to see Kathy pick up her bowl and throw it across the table._

_"Oh, no." Angel rushed forward. "Kathy, no. Don't do that."_

_Katherine hadn't only discarded her bowl, but had smeared its contents all over her face. Buffy turned and walked towards the staircase as Angel began cleaning up the mess._

_She truly loved that man._

_Buffy walked into Liam's bright sunlit room. That was one thing their house was always filled with – during the daylight hours – sunlight. Angel loved it; Buffy could remember when she practically had to force him to layer on the sunscreen. She wasn't going to have him die of skin cancer; they were going to have a long, happy and healthy life together. Nowadays, she didn't have to force him; he always covered up in the sun._

_"I want to see my children grow up." He had told her, when they found out Buffy was pregnant with Liam. "I want to watch my children's children grow up. I wanna grow old with you."_

_Buffy placed Liam on the floor next to the dresser, pulled open the second top drawer and began choosing his outfit. Already. At only three years of age, he didn't like to wear certain colours. Red, yellow and black. Black's not really a colour, but anyway. Buffy and Angel found that quite bizarre. But he refuses to wear those colours and they haven't figured out why._

_"What do you want to wear today, sweetie?" Buffy pulled out a pair of overalls and showed them to her son. He scrunched up his face and shook his head. "No. Okay then…" she returned her attention to the drawer and rummaged through his clothes. "What about these?"_

_"Tay." Liam reached for the pair of jeans and plain dark blue short sleeve shirt. "Now?"_

_"Yes, I'll dress you now." Buffy took Liam's hand and walked him over to his bigger bed. The little boy climbed up and faced his mother. Liam didn't sleep in the single bed; he still slept in the crib on the other side of the room. He liked to move around a lot in his sleep and would sometimes wake up during the night and wander around the top level of the house, but thanks to the stair barrier, Liam was safe from falling down the flight of stairs._

_Buffy pulled off Liam's pajamas and put on the approved clothes. He was one picky kid._

_"Done." He said after Buffy finished straightening out his clothes._

_"Almost. Shoes and socks to go."_

_"Tay." He sat down a stuck out his feet. Buffy chuckled and got his shoes from inside the cupboard and his socks from the top drawer. After putting them on, Liam leapt off the bed and ran out of the room. Buffy walked as quickly as she could, though she knew Liam would be waiting at the top of the stairs, ready to be carried down._

_When Buffy reached Liam, Angel was walking up the stairs with Kathy in his arms._

_"Daddy!" Cried Liam. "See."_

_"Yeah, you look nice." He smiled up at Buffy. "Our kid's such a show-off."_

_"No he's not." Said Buffy, defending the three-year-old. She picked him up and struggled to keep him supported._

_"Hey," Angel reached for Liam. "You rest. I'll do it."_

_Buffy sighed and nodded dejectedly. "Here, go to Daddy." Buffy handed Liam over to Angel, who grabbed him with his free arm._

_"We'll let Mommy rest now." Angel leaned forward – and down – to kiss Buffy briefly on the lips._

_"Thank you," she breathed once they had parted. "I'll be down in the living room."_

_"Okay," he smiled at her again. Buffy felt her heart skip a beat. Even after seven years of marriage, he still had that effect on her "Go. Put your feet up."_

_"Sure thing, boss." Buffy gave Angel a mock salute, who gave her a kiss on the forehead in return._

_"Go. Now."_

_Buffy sighed. "I'm going, I'm going." She muttered as she began unlocking the childproof barrier, and slowly walked down the stairs._

_Buffy walked straight into the living room. On top of the mantle were her favourite family photos. Angel and herself on their wedding day, it was a beautiful sunny day on the beach. Liam's first Christmas, Kathy's christening and lastly the four of them together. It was only taken a month ago; it was one of the few professionally photographed photos, as Buffy and Angel preferred to take all the photos themselves._

_Buffy walked over to the long lounge and was very glad to get her feet off the ground, Angel was right she did need to rest. Everyone had been saying she needed rest, the doctors, nurses, her friends, co-workers…even Liam said it if Angel told him to, she only liked it when Liam said it. He looked adorable no matter what he did._

_"Okay, we're ready to go." Said Angel, walking into the room with Kathy in his arms and Liam by his feet. "Say 'bye' to Mommy."_

_Buffy grinned as he ran over to her and she sat up. "Hey, sweetie."_

_"Bye, Mommy." He held out his arms, she had to lean over so her could put his little arms around his mother's neck. "See you." He pulled his arms free._

_"See you." She kissed him on the forehead. "Have a good day and look after your baby sister."_

_"Yep." He smiled a toothy grin and walked back over to Angel, who then in turn walked over to his wife._

_"Say 'bye'." Angel instructed Kathy as he placed her in Buffy's waiting arms._

_Kathy, however, was not in the mood to talk. Buffy hugged her daughter, kissed her on the cheek and handed her back to Angel._

_The former vampire leaned forward to kiss his wife. "We'll see you when we get back. Call if you need anything."_

_"I will. You call if you need anything."_

_Buffy and Angel shared a smile; he reached out and placed his hand on Buffy's swelled stomach. "You look after your mom in there, make sure she doesn't-"_

_"Over-exert herself. I've only heard everyone say it all the time."_

_"Must get tiring." Deadpanned Angel._

_"It is." Smiled Buffy. "Now go, before you're late."_

_"We're going, we're going." He turned his attention to Kathy and Liam. "Okay, guys, time to go." _

TBC...  
So here's the first part of a four part fic. The dream ends here, just so everybody is clear. I'll add the next part soon. Hope you all like it, Maddy (I always reply if given some way of contacting you).


	2. Chapter 2

**PART TWO  
Thursday 13th January 2005**

Buffy started awake. Sometimes she wished that she would never wake up, that she could live in her perfect dream forever. Sometimes she wished the dreams would just stop.

It was 3:27, Buffy turned on her lamp, ready to begin the day. She really needed to do something about the brightness of the lamp. It puzzled her as to why she hadn't noticed how bright it was before yesterday.

Buffy began her pre-dawn ritual, not to know that something extraordinary was happening thousands of miles away.

* * *

**Friday 14th January 2005**

Buffy slowly woke. As she opened her eyes and began to stretch out on the bed, an unexpected light caused her to squint. She always turned her light off, no one else lived there, and Buffy's bedroom window faced the ocean, so there was no possible was that the light was coming from a neighboring villa. Where was the light coming from?

As Buffy's eyes adjusted, she rolled over, now facing the window side of her room; she was paralyzed to the spot. It wasn't possible! Her mind screamed, it was just a trick of the light or maybe her mind was playing tricks on her.

Buffy managed to slowly sit up, never taking her eyes of the light. It was pouring into her room, invading her room. Buffy didn't like what she saw, it didn't make sense.

She tore her eyes from the window. The window didn't have thick curtains they were light and semi-transparent. Buffy loved the design of the inter-locking circles and swirls, it didn't match the rest of the décor, but she didn't care. Buffy's eyes landed on her alarm clock. Realistically, Buffy didn't need an alarm clock, but Buffy had never been a realistic kind of girl.

She gasped and feared she would start to hyperventilate when she read the time.

7:37am.

"B-but…how?" She whispered out loud. She looked around the room, hopelessly wishing it would provide an answer, and it did not. She figured it out on her own.

Last night…Buffy didn't have the dream. She didn't dream of an impossible future, she didn't dream of anything. She, instead, had the longest sleep in seven and a half months. But how and why?

Buffy stumbled out of bed, still in shock, staring wildly at the sunlight pouring into her bedroom. She bumped into the door, frantically turned around and yanked it open. Buffy rushed to the phone and rang the only person she could think of: Dawn.

Buffy punched in the numbers to Dawn's own apartment. After only three rings, the phone on the other end was picked up.

"Hello?" Asked the former key, her voice still groggy from sleep.

"Dawn…"

"Buffy? Is that you? Are you okay?" Dawn's voice was now alert and full of worry.

"I-I-I don't know." Buffy began breathing heavily and erratic. "Some-things w-wrong. I-I didn't ha…have the dream…last night."

"Oh, thank god." Dawn sighed. Buffy stared in horror.

"This is bad, Dawnie. I-I don't know why…I don't know what's happening."

"I'll be right there."

"Okay." Buffy nodded meekly, glad that her sister was going to be with her in a just a matter of minutes, but terrified of what was happening. She set the receiver down before another word was spoken between them.

Buffy stared at the phone as tears began spilling down her face. She wiped them away with the back of her hand. Buffy began to tremble once the thought of never having the dream again fully registered. As much as the dreams were tearing her life apart…she saw Angel every night, he smiled, laughed, sighed, kissed her, touched her face…told her he loved her – the torture was in the waking up.

The dreams were the last part of him she could hold on to, without them he was really going to be gone.

The tremble turned into a shake, she fell against the wall by the phone and slowly sank to the floor. As she hit the ground, the tears returned, streaming down her face. She didn't attempt to wipe them away this time; instead she let them flow freely down her cheeks.

* * *

_Knock! Knock, knock, knock, knock, knockknockknockknockknock… _

The knocking sped up and kept going at a frantic pace until Buffy dragged herself up off the floor to answer the door. She didn't bother to ask who it was, even if she didn't know it was her sister, Buffy didn't have the energy to speak.

"Oh, god, Buffy." Sighed Dawn, her own tears began forming in her eyes. Buffy was a mess. She hadn't brushed her hair or applied her usual three layers of make-up. The lack of sleep and sunshine was extremely evident. She looked half-dead. "Come on," she crossed the threshold and put one arm around the Slayer, putting her overnight bag down on the table in the entry, "let's get you cleaned up. Okay?"

Buffy nodded, she still didn't have any confidence in her voice's ability to work properly. She was mentally and emotionally exhausted. Dawn bit the inside of her mouth to keep from crying, though the unshed tears still lingered in the corners of her eyes.

Dawn led Buffy to the powder room next to the master bedroom where Buffy slept. After switching on the light, she sat Buffy down on a small wooden stool. Dawn busied herself getting various objects such as a face washer, hairbrush and hair elastics. She didn't see any reason to put make-up on Buffy, as she looked as though she would burst into tears at any moment.

Dawn wet the face washer with warm water, rinsed out the excess and began wiping her older sister's tear streaked face.

"Buffy, why were you crying?" asked Dawn. "I thought you'd want the dreams to stop."

"So did I."

"Then why?"

Buffy sighed, "Angel's dead."

Dawn didn't expect that to be the response, she closed her eyes tightly, took a deep breath, opened her eyes and resumed cleaning Buffy's face.

"He's dead," Buffy repeated, "and I got to see him every night. From the moment I knocked him on his ass in that alleyway he's been a part of my life, he _was_ my life…he was always there. But he's not anymore. I never realized how much I needed those dreams. What if they don't come back?"

"Then you can move on with your life."

"What life?" Buffy asked bitterly. "What I have isn't a life."

"Then make it one." Dawn stopped wiping Buffy's face; she stared into her sister's gray eyes. Dawn remembered when they used to be green, "If they never come back they can no longer haunt you. I hate seeing you this way, I hate that you haven't seen Willow, Xander or Giles since you moved out. You haven't even spoken to them! I want the old Buffy back."

"And which one would that be?" Again, Buffy's voice was full of bitterness.

"I'm sorry?" asked a confused Dawn.

"Before I was the Slayer? Before we moved to Sunnydale? Before I died the first time? Before my seventeen birthday? Before I killed Angel? Before Angel left me? Before Riley left me? Before mom died? Before I died? Again? Before-"

"Stop it! Stop it!" cried Dawn, standing up. Buffy looked up.

"Which one would you like me to be?" she asked desperately. "Which one? Please tell me who I should be." Buffy lowered her head into her hands. "I don't know."

Dawn knelt down in front of Buffy. "Don't know what?"

"Who I should be. I wish someone-"

"Ack! Don't use the 'w' word." Warned Dawn. Buffy looked up. "No one can tell you, Buffy. I know you want someone to, but they can't. You need to live, oppose to what you've been doing for the past six months-"

"Seven and a half months." Corrected Buffy. "To the day."

"Okay," said Dawn incredulous of Buffy's obsessive behaviour. "Seven and a half months. Now it's time to stop. Maybe the Powers were testing you-"

"Testing me? What for?" Buffy shook her head. "No, they just wanted to screw with my life like they always have. Everything gets taken away. I'm not being tested."

"You're not being punished." Said Dawn, sternly after realizing what her sister was thinking. "Some things happen for a reason. You _know_ that. These dreams happened for a reason. We might not know what that reason is yet, but we'll find out." Dawn took Buffy's hands and placed them in her own. "But please let me help you, and Willow and Xander…and Giles. They love you. _I _love you."

"I love you, too." Buffy said softly. "I'm sorry. But I didn't know what else to do. I didn't know how I was supposed to handle the dreams."

"It is _not_ your fault."

"No, it is."

Dawn shook her head vigorously. "No, no. It wasn't your fault. Don't blame yourself."

"The way I treated you guys-"

"We understand. They understand. It was your choice not to see them anymore, remember?"

"Yeah. But Spike-"

"Don't worry about Spike."

Buffy's lips turned up every so slightly, showing the hint of a smile. "I wasn't worried. I don't even think about him. Back in Sunnydale I thought he meant something to me."

"Love?"

Buffy actually laughed. "No, not love. Affection. He stood by me. He looked out for me. He was my friend. While we were in LA for those few days before leaving for Rome, I realized that I hadn't even cried over him. I wasn't sad, I was happy for him. He'd become the man he wanted to be. He became a hero…and all I could think about was what if Angel had worn the amulet? He would have died. I cared about Spike, but not enough to even cry."

There was nothing Dawn could say to that. She never understood the relationship between the vampire and her sister, and now that they didn't have any type of relationship, Dawn felt no need to find out.

"Don't worry about him. Don't even think about him. For today – and any other day you need – he doesn't exist."

Buffy smiled gratefully. "Thank you."

"No problem. It's what I'm here for." Dawn said with a shrug. She smiled and waited for Buffy to smile back. The Slayer didn't disappoint. "Now…time to brush your hair."

Buffy self-consciously touched her hair and tried to tidy it a bit. "I still have bed-hair, don't I?"

"Yep." Dawn got to her feet, turned to get Buffy's hairbrush from the counter, and resumed her place on the floor, kneeling in front of her much less distraught sister. "Oh, right." Dawn realized that she wasn't able to brush Buffy's hair from the front. "We're going to have to move."

"Fine."

Dawn hopped back and Buffy moved ninety degrees, and Dawn moved behind her.

"Brush away," instructed Buffy. Dawn began running the brush through Buffy's hair. "Ow! Could you not hurt so much?"

Dawn was highly amused. "You've got to be kidding, right? You're a Slayer, how could _me_ brushing _your_ hair hurt _you_?"

"It just does, okay?"

Dawn laughed, "Sometimes you're such a girl."

After a moment of silence, Buffy inhaled deeply. "I miss him."

Dawn paused, "I know you do."

* * *

Dawn was on the phone with Giles in the kitchen. Buffy was sitting in the living room eaves-dropping in on the conversation, which hadn't been very intriguing. Dawn basically relayed all the information and has been pretty silent ever since. Buffy sat silently, she had gotten so good at being quiet. This period in her life has been full of silence. Nothing to do except train and brood over her life. If you can call it a life. She was existing. She was just there, experiencing nothing, exploring nothing. The entire world now lay at her feet, she was no longer the only Slayer in the world, no longer the only one who would fight the good fight…but she didn't go out into the world. She didn't travel Europe, Asia or South America…she stayed in her apartment in Naples. She had built herself a cave, one that only Dawn could bring her out of. And even that rarely happened. 

"Yeah," she's been saying that. "Okay," and that. "Ah-uh," and that too. Frankly, Buffy was bored, but it was better than crying in the bathroom, bedroom, and hallway…

"Buffy," Dawn said softly, with the phone still in her hand. Buffy's eyes widened in panic, "what? Oh…" Dawn looked down at the receiver still in her hand. "No, I'm not going to get you to talk to Giles."

Buffy nodded, the relief filled her entirely. "What did he have to say?"

"A lot of things."

"Cliff notes version, please."

"Okay," nodded Dawn, they had both been nodding a lot. "Well, he asked how you were." The former Key sat down beside the former Slayer. "How you were doing, if you'd patrolled lately. He seems to think it'll be good for you to get back on the horse-"

"I said the cliff notes version," pointed out Buffy. "What did Giles say about the dreams?"

"He doesn't have any idea." Conceded Dawn.

"See, that was easy." She replied, playfully. The next instant all playfulness was gone. "No idea. We have an even less idea. Doesn't _anyone_ have an idea?"

"He said he'd ring back."

"You mean you'll ring him."

"Right. I'll ring him tomorrow, even if you have the dream tonight."

Buffy looked sideways at her little sister, she couldn't figure out if Dawn had given her phone number to Giles – or to anyone else – it wasn't as though Buffy didn't want them to be able to contact her, she just preferred it if they didn't. When the dreams first began she wasn't bothered by their concern or attention, but when the dreams continued so did the concern and attention. The main reason Buffy moved into her own place was to get away.

"Thanks, Dawn. For everything." Buffy squeezed Dawn's hand. "I couldn't have done any of this without you."

"That's a but clichéd, isn't it?"

"Let me be serious, okay?"

Dawn grinned and held up her hands in mock surrender. "Go ahead."

"I thank you, especially for not listening when I said that I didn't want you around-"

"You're welcome."

"Thank you, I mean it."

Dawn looked at her sister oddly. "I know you mean it."

"Good. Did Giles say anything else, I mean, there's nothing new on the demon grapevine. Nothing big."

"I don't wanna sound harsh," assured Dawn. "But why do you care? You don't patrol, you never asked these types of questions. You've never asked questions. Why now?"

"As much as I want to see Angel every night, I can finally see the light at the end of this _very_ long tunnel. I'm not saying I'm ready to return to what I had before, but I am interested."

Dawn beamed proudly. "I'm glad to hear it. They'd be glad to hear it, too."

"But not yet." Rushed Buffy.

"But not yet." Dawn hastily agreed.

Buffy thought for a moment, "so did Giles say anything?"

Giles hadn't and no one could understand why the dreams had suddenly stopped. After much discussion with Buffy, Dawn came to the conclusion that maybe the dreams had been part of a spell, possibly cast by a demon to torment and therefore incapacitate Buffy, but now the demon was dead and no more spell. It was the best theory that didn't involve Buffy just simply losing it.

They didn't go out, Buffy was still emotionally exhausted and another vid- fest was in order. Dawn fell asleep on the couch, Buffy however, stayed awake for hours, watching the screen, not reacting until Dawn mumbled something in her sleep, some nonsense about anchovies.

Buffy glanced at the clock. 3:47am. She was on the verge of tears again once she realized this would have been the time she was awake and training, she would have had the dream no matter what time she fell asleep as early experiments showed. She did not want to follow Dawn's lead and sleep in the living room, so the once great Slayer went to her own bed and instantly fell asleep.

* * *

**Sunday 16th January 2005**

Buffy opened her eyes and she instantly knew that the dream had once again not returned. She sighed, not out of sadness, but because she no longer knew how she felt about not having the dreams anymore. The past three nights had been so peaceful, so different to what they had been like.

Dawn greeted Buffy as she left her room and walked slowly into the kitchen. The youngest Summers child had made them both breakfast. Buffy was pleased to find out it wasn't cereal, that's what she would have 'made'.

"Wow, I'm impressed." Stated Buffy as she slid onto one of the free stools. "Eggs, bacon…is that French toast?"

"Yes. I made a real, fatty, oily breakfast." Dawn smiled wickedly. "Enjoy."

"Oh, I will. No worried about that." Buffy assured her, piling bacon onto her plate. "The self-serve is a time-honoured method. It should become part of every home."

"It's a time-saver too. Who knew it had so many pluses." Added Dawn. "How was your sleep?"

"How was yours on that sofa? Could you have crawled even more into a ball?" Buffy began eating her bacon.

"How was your sleep?" Dawn asked again.

"Good. I like it being good." Buffy took a sip of orange juice. Dawn thought of everything. "What time did you get up?"

"At dawn. Oh, the irony. Aren't you going to have eggs or toast?"

Buffy nodded, chewed her bacon and swallowed it. "Yeah, after the bacon. Aren't you going to eat?"

"I was going to wait for the scrambled eggs to finish." Dawn pointed to the fry pan on the stove.

"Don't you know it's rude to point?" smiled Buffy.

"I don't think they'll be insulted." Dawn, contrary to what she said began moving food onto her plate. "What do you want to do today? We could go to the markets. I still haven't got you a birthday present and I feel bad."

"I'll think about it. But only if it's us."

Dawn tried to not look disappointed, but failed miserably. The phone rang and Dawn quickly went to answer it, while Buffy happily returned to eating the heartfelt breakfast her little sister had prepared. Dawn walked back into the kitchen only moments later; she seemed kind of dazed and confused.

"I have to go."

"Go? Go where?"

"There's an, um, emergency at the school and they need my help."

"_Your_ help?"

"Everyone. I just have to go. Okay. I'm going to change my clothes." Dawn walked back down the hallway; Buffy stared at her sister's back until she could no longer see her. Well, duh. Buffy frowned, that must have been one hell of a phone call.

Within minutes Dawn was yelling her farewells as she bolted out the door, Buffy tried to get some answers but was firmly shot down. She stared at the door for several seconds trying to figure out what had happened, what the phone call had been about. Her heart suddenly filled with dread. What if someone had died? She couldn't handle another death of someone she cared about. Buffy closed and locked the door, more out of habit than necessity. She returned to the kitchen counter and finished her breakfast. The Slayer was glad her sister was there to take care of her; sometimes it was nice to let other people look after you.

Buffy ate the rest of her and Dawn's breakfast, for some reason she was very hungry. Buffy washed the dishes as her dishwasher was broken and waited patiently for Dawn to return.

* * *

_  
Knock! Knock! Knock!_

Buffy started awake. She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and was mildly surprised (and disappointed) that she had fallen asleep.

_Knock! Knock! Knock!_

"Yeah, yeah." She muttered, pushing herself up and away from the lounge. "I'm coming!"

"It's Dawn." Called her sister from the other side of the door. "Open the door."

Buffy reached for the handle, but stopped suddenly as an old feeling crept its way up her spine. It couldn't be, it couldn't be, it couldn't be, it couldn't –

"Buffy, are you okay? I don't have my key, I can't-"

Buffy snapped out of her reverie, unlocked the door, twisted the knob and pulled the door open wide. What Buffy saw would change her life forever.

TBC...  
And here's the part two of four. Don't you just love cliffhangers? I don't think I can be more obvious with this one though, or can I? Tell me what you think, I always reply if given some way to contact you. Love, Maddy. PS. Sorry for taking so long, first school was ending and I had two major projects and then holidays started and Easter, but here's the update, hope you like.


	3. Chapter 3

**PART THREE:**

Buffy stared in disbelief…disbelief, shock and amazement, the person standing beside Dawn was staring back at Buffy. The Slayer denied what she was seeing; it wasn't possible. It wasn't possible…but if there was one thing Buffy had learned: everything was possible, especially when it came to him.

"Buffy…"

She continued looking into his eyes, reaching out with her hand to touch him. She had to be sure he was real.

"Buffy…Buffy!"

Her hand was mere inches away from touching him when Dawn's voice shocked her out of her reverie.

"Buffy, I think we should come inside." Advised the youngest Summers. Buffy didn't budge, instead she began to cry. Dawn looked between them both and as the tears streamed down Buffy's face, Angel rushed forward and swept the petite blonde into his arms.

"It's okay, I'm here." He whispered as she clung tightly to him. "I'm here now."

"I missed you."

"I know, I know." He replied, kissing her hair, her forehead, cheeks and finally on her lips. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry-"

"Not your fault." She rested her head against his chest and from within she could make out a strong – but slightly fast – heart beat. "How?" she asked.

"I'm human." He replied, knowing what she was referring to.

"That part I figured out." She lifted her head and looked Angel in the eyes. "But how did this happen? Why?"

Angel pushed a stray hair behind Buffy's ear and cupped her cheek. "It's a long story, we should go sit down."

Buffy nodded, Dawn placed a hand on Buffy's shoulder. "It's what the phone call was about, I wanted to tell you-"

"It's okay," assured Buffy as she took her eyes off Angel for a moment, smiling brightly at her sister. Dawn nearly gasped when she looked into her sister's eyes. They were green. That was the moment Dawn knew that no matter what had happened since Angel's death, everything was going to be okay.

* * *

_Knock! Knock! Knock! _

Buffy jolted awake at the noisy interruption. It was just a dream. Her heart shattered as she realized that Angel was not alive, he wasn't miraculously resurrected and he wasn't standing out in the hallway waiting for her to open the door. It would be Dawn, standing by herself, ready to explain what emergency had occurred at Slayer School.

_Knock! Knock! Knock!_

"Coming!" Buffy yelled out as she rose from the lounge. She wasn't too happy with herself about falling asleep, she wanted to savour being awake, free of the dreams; not sleeping and not dreaming. Is that even a sentence?

"Buffy, it's me," called Dawn. "It's Dawn." Buffy rolled her eyes; well it was fairly obvious that it was her sister since she had recognized her younger sister's voice. "Open the door."

"Did you not hear me say I was coming? Jeez."

Once Buffy had opened the door, she immediately saw Dawn standing in the hallway, hands on her hips, mouth frowning in annoyance, but very alone. Buffy's heart broke. She had wanted the dream to be prophetic and she knew she was being unreasonable. It hadn't been the first time she had dreamed of Angel coming back to life, she did it a lot during the summer after she sent him to Hell.

"Dawnie, wipe that look off your face."

Dawn faltered before entering the apartment; a seriousness replaced her annoyance, which Buffy found slightly discomforting. "We need to talk." And that made the Slayer feel even worse about the situation. Whatever the situation may be.

"Okay…" replied Buffy, drawing the word out. "What's wrong? Is everyone okay?"

Dawn blinked in surprise. "Oh. No, everyone is fine." She tried to smile reassuringly, it didn't work.

"Come. We'll sit." Buffy couldn't believe the irony when she led Dawn to the living room. Dawn sat down on the lounge, Buffy taking a seat next to her sister. No one spoke for several minutes. Buffy waited for Dawn to say something first, but Dawn stayed silent, her face a mixture of feelings.

"Are you gonna start, or am I?" asked Buffy, her patience running out fast.

"What I'm about to say isn't something that is easy to say, or to believe, but you have to believe me, Buffy. It's the truth. We thought it might be best to talk to you about it first…before showing you."

"What?"

Dawn smiled and laughed a little. "I'm sorry, that must have sounded like crazy talk."

"Not a bad way to describe it."

"There is no other way to say this…" Dawn took a deep breath, Buffy noticed her little sister begin to shake.

"Dawn. You're scaring me."

"I'm going to start from the beginning to avoid-"

"Avoid what?" Buffy was deeply concerned. Dawn said that everyone was okay, but she was acting as though everything wasn't. "Dawn, tell me."

"I want to avoid any…freaking out."

"Okay. I promise not to freak out." Buffy assured her, holding up her hand in a mock Scout's Honour. Dawn didn't think it was all that funny. Buffy let her hand fall to her side. "Just tell me."

"On Thursday something happened in LA," began Dawn. Buffy looked intently at her sister, paying attention to every word. "We think we know why your dreams stopped-"

"What? But I thought you guys had no clue."

"Well we didn't. Until we arrived at the conclusion today," explained Dawn. "Giles was the one who linked the two events together. It makes sense."

"To you maybe. I have no idea what you're talking about."

Dawn sighed and closed her eyes. "This morning," Dawn's eyes were still closed. "The Gang got a visitor." She opened her eyes and took a deep breath. Dawn looked directly into Buffy's eyes and the Slayer began to prepare herself for whatever Dawn was going to say next. "He's alive, Buffy. Angel's alive."

Buffy didn't respond. She couldn't react…she didn't believe what she was hearing. It was a joke, a sick pathetic joke. After seven and a half months of dreaming of a perfect future, the same day, the same thoughts and feelings, Buffy was no longer emotionally able to handle what her sister had told her. So instead of dealing with it, instead of accepting, Buffy chose to not believe. For her it was too much information to deal with. He couldn't be alive.

"I d-don't understand," Said Buffy, finding her voice was shaky. She looked down at her hands: they were trembling in her lap. "Dawn."

Instantly Dawn's arms were around her. Buffy was shaking; her whole body shook as she began to cry. "It's okay, let it out," hushed Dawn, kissing her sister's crown. "Just let it all out."

Buffy stiffened instantly. "Where is he?" she asked, pulling away from Dawn. Buffy's face was tear streaked and weary from the lack of sleep and now the shock of knowing that Angel was alive. Her face was void of all emotion; Dawn couldn't read her sister's expression. She wondered if Buffy really believed her.

"At the House with the others."

"Why didn't you bring him here?"

"We thought it best to explain first. Tell you why and…that other stuff that isn't really necessary right now." Finished Dawn, realizing now that it was a bad plan. "Come on. We'll go see him."

Buffy's eyes widened in what Dawn suspected to be fear. "I can't go looking like I'm half dead. Do you think you could help me fix up first?"

Dawn's eyes widened, not in fear, but in shock and heartbreak. On some level her sister didn't believe that Angel was alive, or else she would have left the apartment faster than Dawn could blink. The brunette decided it was best to go along with Buffy for the moment and hope that seeing Angel, touching him, would snap her out of it.

"Sure. I'll help you with that."

Buffy smiled widely, "thanks. I want to look nice for him." Buffy pushed herself free from the lounge and walked out of the living room, Dawn followed her sister down the hallway to the bathroom.

"Buffy," said Dawn, picking up Buffy's hairbrush. "There's something else."

"About Angel?"

Dawn took a breath and tried to stay calm. "Yes, about Angel. He's human now. There was some ancient prophecy about the vampire with a soul-"

"Spike has a soul," cut in Buffy. "It could have been about him."

"Are you high? Snap out of it!" yelled Dawn. "Angel is alive…human-alive not vampire-alive and you talk about Spike?"

"I c-can't…"

"I get that. I know you don't believe me-"

"I do, Dawnie," said Buffy softly. "I hated him. Angel, not Spike. Well I hated Spike too. But I hated Angel… for dying again, for hurting me. He's always doing that. Hurting and leaving…and coming back to hurt me and leave me again. It's an endless cycle. It's a carousel that I can't get off. And I'm still on it. I'm still on it." Buffy eyes filled with tears, she covered her face with her hands. Dawn didn't waste a moment before putting her arms around Buffy. "I just want it to stop."

Dawn had no response, no words to make it better. She knew that Buffy and Angel had caused each other a lot of pain and suffering back in the day, but she never realized how much of an impact each and every departure had had on her sister. What impact they still had. It wasn't only when Angel had died, when she had been forced to kill him, but when he left town, when he left after their mother's funeral, their secret meeting after Buffy came back to life…even when Angel left after giving Buffy that amulet. It hurt her just to see him go.

"Come on. You wanted to look nice, right?" Dawn said, pulling away from Buffy. Her sister nodded and Dawn began brushing Buffy's hair. "I'm going to make you look beautiful."

* * *

"Dawn. Tell me I can do this." Buffy said as she and Dawn walked towards the front door of the Slayer School, or as the House as it was more commonly known.

"You can do this," answered the former Key. Dawn had spent most of the journey to the school convincing Buffy that this was real. "Besides, I'm surprised he didn't come looking for you. I don't know why you had me redo your hair three times. Angel's seen you at your worse. Why do you care?"

"This will be the first time he's seen me in over a year and a half. I have to look good."

"He wouldn't care and you know it."

"I don't want him to know," said Buffy coming to a stop. Dawn turned to face her older sister. "I don't want him to see how pale I am, the circles under my eyes. I don't want him to know," she repeated. Dawn nodded in understanding.

"Let's go."

"Tell me again I can do this," pleaded Buffy, staring at the large wooden front door.

"You were born to do this," assured Dawn.

"Corny much?"

"You were born to do a lot of things," continued Dawn, although Buffy wasn't really looking for this kind of pep talk. It only seemed to remind Buffy that destiny and fate ruled her life.

"Dawn…" Buffy held up her hand to stem the flow of Dawn's word of encouragement. "I'm okay. I can do this."

"Sure you can!" replied Dawn with a huge grin on her face. Buffy found it disturbing and chose to knock on the front door instead of saying anything to Dawn – and to prevent Dawn from saying anything to her.

_Knock! Knock! Knock!_

The two sisters waited patiently for the large wooden door to open. Buffy felt like throwing up. The Slayer let out a sign of relief when the door opened to reveal Giles.

"Buffy." He said simply. She understood. The old man stepped aside; Dawn smiled at him as she passed. Buffy couldn't find the courage to look into the eyes of the man who was her father in every way that counted. She hadn't seen or talked to him in months.

"Hi, Giles." Buffy greeted, trying to see where she stood with her former Watcher. His stance didn't give any indication he was uncomfortable. But he was keeping his distance and that was all Buffy needed to know. "W-where is he?"

"In the main room," explained Giles. The main room was basically the living room, but it was so large that it was also an office for the girls and a second dining room. Buffy nodded and waited for Giles to take the lead. He didn't, Dawn did.

Buffy waited again. She looked down at the threshold separating her from the people inside. He was inside and Buffy wasn't sure she wanted to be in there with him. Giles noticed her hesitation and took a step towards his Slayer. Buffy visibly stiffened, but Giles however didn't stop. He stood close to Buffy and softly said, "come inside, Buffy. It'll be okay."

She looked up sharply, her eyes wide and fearful. "I can't."

"Yes, you can."

"I don't know what's going to happen." Buffy took her eyes off Giles and looked down the entryway of the house. Giles followed her gaze. "I don't know."

"You're not supposed to know. Angel is in there, waiting for you. We have all been waiting for you."

Buffy took that in. "Waiting for what?"

"For you to come back."

"Jeez Giles, could you be anymore dramatic?" Dawn asked, as she walked towards them. "Come on, I told them you were here. There's no going back now."

"Of course there is." Buffy said, wrapping her arms around herself. There was always a chance to go back, the question was, would she take it?

* * *

Dawn entered the room first; Buffy could feel his presence at the base of her spine. She fought back tears, she fought the urge to run from the house and fought the urge to run into his arms. She saw Xander standing by the fireplace, his face turned away. She saw Willow sitting by herself on a chair in front of one of the desks. She saw Spike standing in the shadows, staying away from the one open window. She saw Angel, standing in the sunlight. He was bathed in magnificent light, it covered his entire body, and it drove home the fact that this wasn't real.

She would never see him in the sunlight.

Giles stepped up beside her, it barely registered. Her gaze was locked heavily on the former vampire. Buffy began to shake her head, it was all too much. Willow's eyes widened as she watched the person who used to be her best friend fall apart. She was shocked to see the pain and sorrow etched across Buffy's face; it was excruciating to witness. Xander finally looked at Buffy, his own pain and sorrow clearly evident. He took a lingering look at Angel before once again staring out at nothing.

"Buffy…"

Buffy thought for a moment that it was Angel saying her name. It was said with love, but it wasn't Angel, it was her sister.

"Buffy, are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Buffy snapped, taking her eyes off Angel for a moment. She returned to stare at him; he stared back with the same intensity. Buffy couldn't read his face, which terrified her. He was emotionless, still; almost empty. Buffy wrapped her arms around herself and saw could have sworn she saw a flash of pity. She didn't want his pity. But then again, pity was better than nothing. "I'm fine." She repeated so softly that only Spike heard it. He looked at Buffy, then Angel and decided that enough was enough.

"You know, Angel, mate…" began Spike, stepping out of the shadows, but wary to stay clear of the harmful direct sunlight. Buffy hated the swagger in his walk. "You shouldn't just stand there looking at the girl. It's impolite."

"Bite me, Spike." Angel responded, not taking his eyes off of Buffy's. Buffy flinched as his voice reached her ears. He spoke; he responded to Spike, he interacted with his surroundings. He was there.

"Love to," replied Spike, flashing his trademark grin. "You being all vulnerable takes the fun out of it though."

"Yeah, it's a shame." Angel said, still not taking his eyes off Buffy. She was beginning to feel uncomfortable underneath his gaze. She was the one who felt vulnerable. After several moments, Buffy was the one to finally break eye contact. Her head dropped forward and she stared at the floor. Nobody said a word, not even Spike as she turned and ran from the room. It was just too much.

Angel however, followed her, with five pairs of eyes staring intently at his back.

Buffy walked with purpose, she wanted to hide and process what she had just seen; Giles' study seemed the perfect place. She pushed open the door and stepped inside, quickly closing the door shut behind her. Buffy took a deep breath and leant against the hardwood polished door. The feeling at the base of her spine intensified, her breathing became erratic as she heard his footsteps retrace hers until he stopped in front of the study. She jumped away from the door when he knocked.

She stared at the door in fear, her stomach tying in knots, her heart almost leapt out of her mouth as Angel turned the doorknob and pushed open the door.

Buffy watched Angel as he walked into Giles' study. She knew this wasn't the reunion he expected or wanted, but she didn't know how else to handle this. Buffy wanted nothing more than to put her arms around him and never let him go. But first she needed to be sure he wasn't going to leave her again. That she wasn't going to wake up.

Angel made several steps towards Buffy. With each step Buffy felt the walls around her heart tumble down, and suddenly she was Buffy again. She wasn't sure which Buffy she was or which one she wanted to be. But she was Buffy. He made her Buffy again.

"Angel." His name came out as barely a whisper. Her voice trembling, her body beginning to shake. She needed to be in his arms. He needed to be real. "Are you real?"

Angel nodded, his eyes brimming with tears. Buffy wanted to wipe those tears away. "I'm real." He affirmed, taking another step closer to Buffy.

"I dreamed." Buffy said, lowering her head, letting that afternoon's dream wash over her.

"I know." He replied.

Buffy's head shot up. "What? No, I had a dream today when I fell asleep. I dreamt this. Or something like it."

"This isn't a dream." Angel was only a few feet away. Buffy's hand moved on instinct, her need to touch him took over and her fingertips brushed the material of his shirt. "This is real."

"I hated you." She said, not looking him in the eye. Buffy felt that it was important she told him. "You died and I hated you for it." Angel sighed and fought back his tears. Buffy hadn't been able to keep them back and her tears were pouring freely down her cheeks. "You were gone."

"I didn't want to leave."

"You were gone." She repeated, nothing but a whisper to herself. He had left her.

Angel, sensing her turmoil, reached out in an attempt to sooth her. Buffy jumped slightly as Angel's hands brushed against her skin. She looked up into his eyes, easily conveying the sorrow and wonder she was feeling. Angel's fingers traced little circles over Buffy's arms, confirming that he really was there. All previous plans and reservations disappeared as it slowly dawned on Buffy that Angel was there. He was real. This wasn't a dream. She wasn't asleep…she wasn't dreaming…

"Angel…"

Instantly Angel's arms were wrapped tightly around Buffy's small frame. Buffy buried her face in her chest, sobbing hard and he held her. Her tears stained his shirt, but he didn't care. He was alive. He was human. He had Buffy. There was no force in Heaven, Earth or Hell that was going to take this girl away from him. Not this time.

"I love you, Buffy."

Her only response was to cry harder. Angel didn't mind, he smiled slightly, happy with the fact that she still loved him. He kissed her hair, her neck…any part of her his mouth could reach. Breathing her in.

TBC...  
One more part left! Yeah and I've written it (typed it, whatever) and it's at my betas getting done as we speak. Sorry about the lengthy absence, I've been sick with a stomach bug and didn't really feel like updating. Who would with their head in a bucket. Aren't you all glad I decided to share that little tibbit with you? Nope, didn't think so. Lol.  
Love, Maddy


	4. Chapter 4

**PART FOUR:**

"Angel…" Buffy said, her voice husky, her face streaked with tears. She looked up into his eyes, her heart warmed when she saw the happiness there. He was so beautiful. She let out a small laugh and grinned broadly at the man who held her heart. "This has to be a dream."

"It's not." He promised. "But would it be so bad if it were?"

"Yes. Dreams don't last, Angel."

Instead of giving her false promises, he kissed her on the lips. Buffy forgot for a moment that it was Angel kissing her. His lips were warm. It was a new sensation, one that she had no qualms about getting used to. No one kissed her the way Angel did. No one ever could. Buffy deepened the kiss, placing her hands firmly on his back. Angel's hands were placed on either side of her face. He" so less repetitive was the first to pull away, he was laughing, Buffy tried to look offended, but was more curious about what was so funny.

"I ran out of breath." He explained, still laughing. Buffy smiled and almost burst into tears from the happiness spreading through her entire being. Angel rested his forehead against Buffy's; they put their arms around each other and stood silently until Angel spoke again. "You make me breathless."

"I know the feeling." Buffy smiled and placed a light kiss on his lips before pulling away. "I think we should go tell the others we're okay."

"The lack of noise would have already given it away." Pointed out Angel, pulling Buffy back into his arms. "Besides, they're probably too busy arguing."

"What? Arguing about what?"

"You." Angel answered simply, Buffy, however, was shocked.

"Why would they fight about me?"

"I don't know everything that happened while I was gone-"

"You weren't just gone, Angel. You were dead." Buffy said, fighting to keep the emotion out of her voice. Even though he was standing here in front of her, his arms securely around her waist, he had still been dead for seven and a half months. Nothing was ever going to change that.

"I know, Buffy. You've died once or twice yourself."

"The first one doesn't count, I was only dead for like a minute."

"It doesn't matter." Angel looked intently into her eyes. Buffy couldn't have looked away even if she wanted to. "You were gone, you were dead. I couldn't feel you, I couldn't sense you. You were gone in every meaning of the word. That was the most terrifying moment of my life…up until then." He added as an afterthought. Buffy didn't know how to react; they had never discussed her first death, as it had been so brief. Buffy had no idea it had affected him so deeply. "I know what it's like to have to go on without the one person you love more than life itself. You were dead and I had to go on. I had to exist in a world without you in it. I know exactly what you went through."

"No, you don't." Buffy shook her head. He didn't dream every night of a wonderful and impossible future, he wasn't haunted by a life he would never have. Buffy stepped out of his arms; Angel failed to stop her from pulling herself free of his arms.

He looked down for a moment, "You're right." He admitted, Buffy didn't say anything; she knew he had more to say. Angel looked back up. "I didn't dream of a happy future every single night."

Buffy was stunned. How did he know that? "Did the others tell you? Did Dawn tell you about the dreams?"

Angel shook his head. "No, they didn't tell me."

"Then who did? Was it Spike?"

Angel once again shook his head. "I'll explain everything, but not here. Can we go to your home? I want to see where you live."

Buffy looked at him askance, "Are you just trying to get out of telling me?"

Angel actually chuckled, "No."

"Fine. Let's go." Buffy reached out her hand for Angel to take hold. He smiled and reached out with his own.

Hand in hand they walked out of Giles' study, Buffy didn't want to go back into that room. Spike was there, as was Willow, Xander and Giles; she no longer knew the people in that room. Dawn would still be in there, but Buffy saw her frequently, she felt comfortable about her younger sister for the most part. Angel, sensing her discomfort, squeezed her hand gently. She glanced up into his eyes for a moment. She was planning to look away but found she couldn't tear her eyes away from his. They were the same dark brown, same beautiful depths; But they shined with happiness instead of being clouded with guilt. Tears formed in her eyes, she felt a single tear spill down her cheek. Angel wiped it away with the pad of his thumb before kissing her briefly on the forehead.

"No more tears." He whispered before pulling away.

"Promise." Replied Buffy, smiling, knowing full well that a promise like that would never be kept. "Come on, let's just leave. Do we really have to say goodbye?"

Angel frowned. "You really have to tell me exactly what happened here."

"What, no one told you?"

"Bits and pieces. But it was mostly; 'you should talk to Buffy about that.' So I stopped asking."

Buffy nodded numbly, turning her face away from Angel's.

"Hey, we'll just tell them we're leaving." Said Angel, pulling Buffy towards him. She stepped up in front of him, she wasn't ready to face them again. Buffy nodded numbly, thinking of the hostility she had felt coming off Xander in waves, the disappointment in Willow's eyes, Spike's bitter comments…Buffy stopped nodding and began shaking her head.

"I can't, Angel." She said firmly, leaving no room for discussion. "Please, don't make me do this."

Angel stared into her eyes, they were filled with love and understanding. "Okay. We'll just go."

"Thank you," she breathed, letting out a small sigh of relief. "Shall we?"

"We shall." Hand in hand they walked from the Manor.

* * *

Buffy opened her front door for Angel, who was waiting patiently beside her. She smiled at him as she pushed open the door and stepped inside, Angel waited a moment before following.

"No threshold." He said, chuckling, looking back at the door. "That's the first time I've entered a home without being invited. It was Giles who opened the door, he stuttered an invite and I didn't get to…" he said trailing off. 

"Okay." Buffy said, jumping in to stop the story. "I'm just glad you got to experience that with me here. I want to be beside you when you get to experience all the new things."

"I want that too."

Buffy looked away and set her keys in a small ceramic bowl that Dawn had bought for her at a local flea market. "Anything in particular you want to do today?"

Angel didn't answer, so Buffy glanced up at his face and was slightly surprised at his expression. It was deadly serious.

"Angel…?"

"Why didn't the others know where you lived?"

Buffy's eyes widened. She didn't want him to be disappointed with her and she couldn't stand the look he was giving her, still serious, but the concern was also clearly evident. Buffy looked away. Her eyes gazing over her furniture, they had suddenly become very fascinating. But Angel wasn't going to let it slide. He followed Buffy to the kitchen, close on her heels. Buffy felt the urge to whirl around and confront him, but as much as she didn't want him to be disappointed, she didn't was his sympathy either. The Slayer just wanted to forget the past seven and a half months ever happened. They had turned her into someone she wanted to forget. But Buffy knew Angel wasn't going to let her.

"Buffy?"

"Don't, okay?" She half begged and half demanded. Buffy walked to the large double-door fridge. She didn't know why she had such a large fridge for one person. Buffy pulled one of the doors open and peered inside. "Do you want something to eat? You could have something fun, or something that tastes really gross…that's sometimes fun too."

"Buffy." He said her name softly. Buffy sighed and looked up at him. Angel was taken aback at her pleading face. He nodded his head once, saying that he would let it go for now. Buffy smiled gratefully and returned her attentions to the fridge and its contents. "Got any chocolate and peanut butter?"

Buffy's face lit up, she smiled at Angel. "How did you know about chocolate and peanut butter?"

Angel didn't answer; instead he stepped up next to her and put one arm around her waist. He pressed his lips against the crown of her head; Buffy leaned into him for a moment, before retrieving the chocolate and peanut butter from the fridge. Together they walked to the small two-seater lounge. Angel sat down first, Buffy slid next to him and pressed herself against his side, his arm went instinctively around her. Buffy took a deep breath and relaxed against his embrace.

"You still haven't told me about how you knew I had dreams." Buffy said, bringing up what has most puzzled her since Angel swore that the others didn't tell him. "Angel?" she prodded when he didn't answer.

"You know about other dimensions right?"

Buffy shifted uncomfortably. "Yeah."

"Well, when I was…dead…I was in another dimension. Another plane of existence I suppose is the better term. I was in a large open space, it wasn't peaceful…it wasn't anything. I was just there. There was these voices, they said they were there to explain to me what was happening." Angel explained, as Buffy stared at him, transfixed. "They said that I was dead, but that I'd be getting my reward. My Shanshu." Buffy reached out and took hold a firm hold of Angel's hand. He smiled his half-smile, Buffy's breath hitched in her throat. She had missed that smile. "But first I had to know some things: Spike had survived the battle and had told you I was dead. I was more shocked to find out Spike had survived than anything else at that point."

"And jealous."

"And jealous." Angel agreed. "They told me you were having dreams of this wonderful future, they said it was about you and I and the family we could have. The family we would have. They said it was a glimpse meant to give you strength and hope."

"Ha." Buffy scoffed.

"Yeah, you weren't taking it like they had hoped."

"Stupid disembodied voices." Buffy muttered, but her face bore a playful smile. Angel's heart warmed instantly. He kissed her briefly before continuing his story.

"They said some other stuff about me being a champion, a warrior worthy of my reward, and to live peacefully with the knowledge that I no longer needed to burden myself with the guilt of Angelus' deeds. They wished me luck and suddenly I was standing in the alleyway behind the Hyperion Hotel, wearing the same clothes, they were covered in blood; some mine, some not mine. But I didn't have a scratch on me. The sun was beating down on me and I wasn't bursting into flame. I could feel my heart beating. I was warm. I was human. I found a newspaper stand and discovered out I had been gone for seven and a half months. I made my way here and the rest is pretty self-explanatory."

"That's a hell of a tale."

"Yeah, it is." Agreed Angel, taking a deep breath. "I'm sorry, Buffy."

"Sorry? What for?"

"For being gone so long."

"Oh, Angel." Buffy turned so her body was facing him. "It is not your fault. It's those damn Powers for being so damn stupid. I never blamed you for what happened. I hated you for being gone, but it wasn't your fault. It wasn't your fault." She repeated taking Angel into her arms. His own arms wound their way around Buffy's small frame. She buried her face in the crook of Angel's neck. "I love you, Angel." She murmured against his skin, she placed a kiss on his neck and tightened her grip around him. Angel also tightened his hold on Buffy. "This is a dream." She whispered.

Angel moved his head to kiss Buffy's cheek. "Then let's never wake up."

Buffy giggled. "Okay. Sure thing." She reveled in the levity of the conversation. "What do you want to do today?"

"Nothing enters my mind." Replied Angel honestly. He had no plans. Buffy took that in, the inner workings of her mind trying to find something they would both like to do. She blushed at the obvious answer. Angel however didn't notice the redness in Buffy's cheeks. He was busy breaking off the chocolate block into smaller pieces. She tentatively reached out and slowly threaded her fingers threw his hair. "Here." Angel said, scraping a good amount of peanut butter onto the piece of chocolate. Buffy smiled and opened her mouth. Angel placed it just out of reach; Buffy quickly leaned forward and took a bite.

"Mmm. Very nice."

"Yeah." Angel said softly, before taking a bite himself. He closed his eyes, savouring the moment. "You know," he started before opening his eyes. "We have to buy some ice-cream."

"Ice-cream?"

"Yeah. Ice-cream."

"Fine, next time we go shopping we'll get ice-cream." Buffy leaned towards Angel's mouth. This kiss was sweet and careful; it was almost chaste. But Angel's kisses had a power over her like no one ever could. It didn't matter if they were passionate, all consuming, sweet or chaste they blew her mind away.

The pair continued feeding each other chocolate and peanut butter in relative silence. The conversation was filled with smiles, giggles and chuckles, kiss and caresses. To Buffy, this was heaven, a haven from the rest of the world. Her house had become a home. To Angel, this was his reward, his redemption. To finally hold the one he loved in his arms and not worry about the consequences. He had come home.

When they had finally eaten all the chocolate, Buffy threw out the rubbish and put the peanut butter back in the refrigerator. She returned to find Angel lying on his back, his hands folded underneath his head. She grinned at the sight and quietly walked to the lounge and watched him, his eyes were closed and a small smile played on his lips. Buffy smiled a small smile and leant forward to kiss him on the lips. She yelped in surprise when Angel's arms shot up and wrapped themselves around her waist. Angel's eyes were still closed as he pulled Buffy on top of him. Buffy happily complied and rested her head over his chest, their legs intertwined. His heartbeat resonated loudly in her ears. For an instant, she missed the quiet, the peacefulness. But he was human now; there was no curse to keep them apart, no reasons to be fearful of things going too far. His beating heart was a miracle and she wasn't going to diminish that. But she knew that she would sometimes miss the silence.

"Do you know what I dreamed?" Buffy asked suddenly.

"Only what I said before." Answered Angel. "I don't know details. Just you and me with kids, that we were happy. And that you dreamed the same thing every night."

Buffy nodded, she felt her hair scrape against his shirt. "We had two kids. I was heavily pregnant with the third. The oldest was Liam, he was three and Kathy was eleven months. They were so beautiful. So smart…it was wonderful." Buffy swallowed back tears. "But it wasn't real. I would wake up and you were dead. I wasn't happy, I was numb, and when I wasn't numb I was in so much pain it hurt to breathe. Dawn helped so much; I don't think she'll ever realise how much. I stopped talking to people; I stopped hanging out with Willow and Xander. I stopped patrolling; I stopped training the new Slayers. I didn't want to live, I didn't want to function. I just wanted it to stop." Buffy began to sob, Angel's arms tightened around her. She felt his lips brush the crown of her head.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

"No. I have to." Buffy admitted. "You need answers-"

"I can wait, Buffy."

"You shouldn't have to." Said Buffy, failing to keep the bitterness from her voice. She was angry with herself. Angry for letting it get so bad. So out of hand. "I-I…let it happen. I let myself turn into this reclusive, depressed person. I didn't try to move on with my life, I didn't try to see the dreams as a gift. They were a gift, Angel. And I just wanted them to go away. But as the months past and I realised you weren't coming to back to me…I welcomed the dreams. They ruined my life; they kept me up at night. Sometimes I would cry myself to sleep because I wanted to see you so badly it hurt. It physically hurt." She bit her lower lip to fight back the sob that so badly wanted to come out. "I would wake up every morning after the dream and not get back to sleep, I couldn't, there was too much stuff in my head. So I would train until the sun came up, I would eat breakfast, I would tidy up, I would read books and watch TV. If Dawn came over, we would hang out. If I needed to go shopping for food and other things, I would. Dawn would take me shopping in the local markets; we would eat at cafés in the sun. I would feel like a person for a few hours," she sighed. Sometimes it seemed as though she was always sighing for some reason or another. Buffy freed herself from Angel's arms, once standing she faced the love of her life, waiting for him to respond, to do anything. He didn't fail her. Frowning, Angel slowly sat up.

"Buffy…"

"I'm a person again, Angel. You being here, talking with you…I'm Buffy. Whoever she is." Buffy added as an afterthought, remembering her conversation with Dawn the day before. Had it really had only been one day ago? "You make me Buffy. I might not make a lot of sense in a minute, so just bear with me." Buffy looked down at her hands clenched tightly in front of her. "I don't want to stop being Buffy. And I'm not saying I want you around just so I can be a person again, but if you go away…I don't know what will happen to me. Please…just please tell me you're not going to leave me."

Angel swallowed hard, not taking his eyes off Buffy's. She needed to understand that he could never promise her that; he could never tell her that he would never leave her. That was out of his control, they couldn't know what was going to happen and they definitely couldn't control it. Angel finally looked away. "I can't, Buffy. You know I can't make that promise."

Buffy's eyes widened in shock. He was going to leave her. She wanted to run from her house – her home – as fast as she could, but Angel made her stay with nothing more than a few simple words.

"I love you. I don't want to leave you. Ever again. But I can't-"

Buffy stepped up and kneeled in front of him. "Shh…" Buffy took his hands in hers, she lightly kissed his knuckles. "I love you, Angel. I know you don't want to leave me. Just be here with me, put your arms around me and whisper in my ear. That'll be more than enough."

Angel half-smiled. How he could make her feel so much with such a small smile she would never understand. Angel gently pulled his hands from Buffy's and put his arms around her instead, together they got to their feet. Angel's head resting on her shoulder, Buffy wound her arms around Angel's waist and rested her head on his chest.

He began whispering in her ear. Saying he was going to make her happy, that he was going to do everything in his power to create the future she saw. Buffy knew it wasn't the smart thing to do, but she believed him. He held her in his arms and whispered in her ear and it was more than enough.

_Knock! Knock! Knock!_

"Guys! Guys, are you there?" yelled Dawn from the other side. Buffy let out a sigh and pulled away from Angel, furious that her sister had ruined a perfectly perfect moment.

"Coming!" she yelled as she walked towards the entryway. Buffy unlocked the door, twisted open the doorknob and was abruptly shoved back as Dawn stormed into the small villa. She wasn't exactly happy. But than neither was Buffy.

"You could have told us you were leaving, Buffy. I mean, I had to take Xander's car to get here. Don't really appreciate you taking my car." Dawn's hands were placed firmly on her hips, eyes glaring relentlessly. Buffy held her gaze.

"I couldn't face them. I'm sorry if I've let you down."

Dawn faltered, "Let me down? I was worried about you. I didn't know what happened, I didn't know if you welcomed back Angel with open arms or if you'd ran off."

"Angel's here."

Dawn nodded; her eyes shined with unshed tears. "Good. That's good, Buffy." She took a breath and glanced at her surroundings. "You okay?"

Buffy smiled at the image of Angel eating chocolate and peanut butter, the way his eyes closed as he savoured the taste. The way his eyes lit up when he smiled, laughed, chuckled or even smirked. The sound of his heart beating loudly in her ear. She would miss the silence, but her life could always use a little bit more noise. Their life. "I'm fine." She truly was. There were still issues that needed to be resolved, bridges that needed mending, but for the most part, for the important part, Buffy was fine. She was more than fine.

Dawn studied her older sister for a moment, taking note of the smile that reached her eyes. "Your eyes are green." Whispered Dawn, she stepped forward and took her sister into her arms. "Your eyes are green."

* * *

**  
Eight Years Later…**

Buffy dusted the vampire ash off her light blue jacket. "Damn it." She muttered under her breath. This was the second vampire she had killed in the past week. Either the vamps had taken a sudden and renewed interest in the former Slayer or it was just a coincidence. And Buffy didn't believe in those.

Once they found out Buffy was pregnant with their first child, both Buffy and Angel hung up theirs stakes and retired. That was over four years ago, and with all the other Slayers running about, the demons stopped coming after them and the Slayer and former vampire were able to have a pretty normal life. There were the occasional dustings and attacks, but they were always because Buffy and/or Angel just happened to be there. They agreed that if they saw a demon they would not ignore it.

Tonight, Buffy went to the local store to pick up some milk and bread. A vamp was hanging around outside waiting for the perfect victim and Buffy was happy to play the part. He was an easy kill, obviously a newbie, but since he was the second vampire Buffy had killed in the past few days she was very concerned.

She dusted the remainder of the ash off and walked back to her car, the grocery bag still in her hand. She hadn't been exaggerating when she said it had been an easy kill.

Once home, Buffy didn't waste any time telling Angel what had happened. "I walked past the alley he was lurking in, he made to grab me and I spun round and dusted him. I didn't even have to put the bag down. Poof! Deader vampire." Buffy glanced down at her clothes. "And then of course a gust of wind had to blow what was rest of him all over me. Yuck." She looked back at Angel, who hadn't spoken since she began her tale. "Awfully quiet there. What's wrong?"

"I killed a vampire last night."

Buffy was floored by this revelation. "Why didn't you tell me? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I didn't want to worry you." He assured her. Angel left his seat and began to slowly pace the kitchen. "It doesn't mean anything-"

"Only that they seem to have remembered who we are. I'm not going to do it again, Angel." She said, meeting his eyes. Angel stopped pacing and gave her a look of understanding. Their three children were asleep upstairs in their beds. Liam, Kathy and Ashling were too young to understand what the world was like and Buffy and Angel were determined to keep the real truth from them for, hopefully, their whole lives.

"I know. Do you want to ask Giles to send a Slayer here?" he suggested, taking a seat next to his wife. "I'm sure he wouldn't mind."

"Okay. I'll ring him tomorrow." Buffy snaked her arms around Angel's neck and grinned appreciatively. "You know, you're pretty smart when you want to be."

"What are you talking about? I'm always smart."

Buffy giggled as Angel began kissing her neck.

"Hey, do you think Giles will want to come and visit?"

"Can we not talk about Giles while I'm trying to kiss you?" Angel asked halting the kissing, which didn't make Buffy very happy. She pouted, knowing Angel's greatest weakness. "Don't look at me like that."

"Why not?" she asked as she continued to pout. Angel eyes were pleading with her to stop this unfair torture, Buffy relented. "Fine. Just kiss me."

"Only if you don't bring up Giles." Insisted Angel.

Buffy smiled and gave a slight nod. "I promise to only say your name."

"Well that was a given."

Buffy raised her eyebrows. "Oh, really? Don't think you're being a but sure of yourself there, mister?"

"It's a fact." Angel said, pulling Buffy onto his lap. She happily put her arms around his neck. "I love you, Buffy." He said losing all playfulness. He never said he loved her without being serious as though Angel thought she needed to know _he_ was being serious. She knew.

The past eight years have been a dream; she even experienced the morning she dreamed about for seven and a half months. The Powers were showing her the future; they were showing her that everything was going to be just fine. Why they couldn't have just told her in actual words, Buffy didn't know. They liked to be cryptic, just like Angel. He had lost some of his cryptic ways over the past few years. Buffy sometimes found she missed the mystery. Her husband wasn't a mystery to her anymore. Buffy of course didn't know every detail of his life or unlife, she didn't want to know a lot of them, he had lost most of his mystery, but none of his appeal. Eight years as a human had done wonders for the body and the soul.

"I love you, Angel." She replied kissing him softly on the lips. They were warm to touch. Buffy remember the first time she kissed the human Angel. It was a new sensation and took all of three seconds to get used to. "You're all I've ever loved."

"I know the feeling." He said returning a soft kiss of his own. Buffy smiled and rested against Angel's chest, his arms secure around her small frame. "We'll get a Slayer here and the demons will leave us alone."

"I feel bad dumping it all on a Slayer just because I can."

Angel didn't respond. He agreed. Killing the vampire the night before hadn't awoken a primal need, but it made him realize that no matter how hard the ex-vampire tried to deny it, that was what he will always be: an ex-vampire. Just as Buffy will always be a Vampire Slayer, she was just better at forgetting.

"Then we can ask Giles to send two."

"I love you." She said again, Angel smiled and rested his head on her shoulder. "You know that, right?"

"I know, Buffy, I know."

Buffy noticed the desperation in his voice. "Honey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

But Buffy wasn't going to give up easily. "You have 'something' face. Angel, what is it?"

"The past is hard to escape." He said, lifting his head of Buffy's shoulder. Buffy wasn't sure she understood. "I know what goes bump in the night. I can't ignore it-"

"We both said we wouldn't ignore it. That we couldn't." Buffy reasoned as she lifted her head to look Angel in the eyes. "But we have a family now, Angel. Their safety comes first."

"I know it does." He sighed. "It's still hard."

Buffy stared at her husband for a moment, not sure of what to say. She smiled sadly at him. "You'll always be someone who has to help people, you'll always be different. And that's why I'll always love you. Remember, I didn't fall in love with a normal guy. I fell in love with you. And I love that you can't turn away, that you have to help. It's what makes you who you are. You're a champion, Angel." She kissed him soundly on the lips, his hands pressed hard against her back, keeping her lips upon his.

* * *

**  
The next day…**

"Liam, sweetie. Stop that." Scolded Buffy. 

"You know," said Angel, as he walked into the kitchen. Buffy looked up from where she was standing next to Liam as he sat down eating his breakfast, Kathy was her arms. The four year-old wasn't sure he wanted his breakfast and was swirling his cereal around the bowl with his spoon. "You can't call him 'sweetie' and scold him at the same time. It'll confuse him." Angel grinned at Buffy's glare. "Did you call Giles?"

Buffy nodded once. "Sure did." She smiled, "he's sending two Slayers next week-" Angel let out a sigh of relief. "-Willow and Xander are coming with them, something about needed a break. I for one don't believe them, I think they miss us. But they'll all be here next week."

He and Buffy shared a small smile before returning to their lives together. Kathy began to squirm in her mother's embrace. Angel was at Buffy's side in an instant, taking the little girl into his arms. "Hey, there gorgeous."

"I thought I was the only one you called gorgeous?" joked Buffy.

"Well how about," Angel began, bouncing Kathy on his waist. "I only call my girls gorgeous, is that okay?"

Buffy looked at her daughter laughing in Angel's arms and then at Ashling as she sat in her highchair, doing nothing but playing with her bib. Liam, suddenly realizing that he wasn't the center of attention, began talking loudly. Buffy smiled to herself. She reached out and took Angel's hand in her own. He squeezed it tightly and returned a smile. "That's just perfect."

**THE END **

Wow, so that's the end. I want to extend a special thank you to everyone who followed this story from start to finish. Your reviews were so wonderful and I fully appreciate it. Thank you very much. You guys know the drill, this is the part where you review. Remember, I always reply if given some way to contact you.  
I wasn't going to have the 'Eigth years later...' part in at first, but decided, what the hell and kept it in. I hope I conveyed the emotions correctly and kept those characters in character. Lol. This fic is very special to me and I couldn't be happier with how it's been recieved.  
Till next time, Maddy.


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